Ask Aunt Lori - privacy & handling gossip
First submission! 🎉
"Aunt Lori,
I have an "invisible disability" and my family tells people about it without asking me first. I'm not ashamed of myself, but people's biases make it difficult for me when people learn about my disability. People often stop seeing me for my abilities and just see me as only my invisible disability. How do I handle this?
-Wannabe Chameleon"
Dear Wannabe Chameleon,
Everyone deserves privacy. There's unfortunately not a lot that can be done regarding someone's ableism. When I encounter this attitude, I take a stepwise approach: educate, set boundaries, and protect myself.
There are several content creators that make videos or write about their experiences having specific conditions. Additionally, there are condition-specific studies and statistics on ableism. Those would be a good place to start.
After educating them - regardless of how they reacted - set your boundaries. It sounds like you would rather not have it well known that you have the condition, so you need to clearly communicate that you don't want them to tell anyone you have the condition without your permission. State that clearly and in a calm manner.
If both of these steps aren't sufficient, then you need to protect yourself. This includes putting them on an "information diet": tell them only the necessary things and nothing more. Particularly when it's something that is emotional, personal, or important in some way. Only enough to let them know you are okay. Be vague if asked about things beyond the necessary.
Hopefully the first two steps will be sufficient. Wishing you the best and unlimited spoons.
Aunt Lori
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