Chronic SOS - September 21, 2023
Like most people, I watched the new Barbie movie (and loved it). In it, the women hold all the positions of power, like all the government positions and believe that the real world is the same.
So it made me think - what if it was true, what would that look like?
Using the power of photo editing and pictures of all US presidents (colorized versions of the older ones), I created the feminine version of portraits of the 46 US presidents.
Original images of presidents from Wikipedia and Getty Images
#1 George Washington (1789 - 1797)
Barbies weren't created until 1959, but let's assume that they believed the matriarchy extended into before their creation too.
#2 John Adams (1797 - 1801)
No known relation, in case you were wondering.
#3 Thomas Jefferson (1801 - 1809)
Imagine this on a nickel:
#4 James Madison (1809 - 1817)
I imagine that a female James Madison would just switch the first and last name to "Madison James".
#5 James Monroe (1817 - 1825)
Of course, the Founding Fathers would be the Founding Mothers.
#6 John Quincy Adams (1825 - 1829)
Still no relation.
#7 Andrew Jackson (1829 - 1837)
I imagine Barbieland would want pink dollar bills, including the ironic $20 bill.
#8 Martin Van Buren (1837 - 1841)
His bedhead hairstyle is stronger than AI and my editing abilities.
#9 William Henry Harrison (1841 - 1841)
In what I heard a teenager describe as a "major bummer", President Harrison was president for only one month after he fell ill three weeks into his presidency.
#10 John Tyler (1841 - 1845)
I imagine he was surprised to be promoted after becoming the Vice President only a month before!
#11 James K Polk (1845 - 1849)
Truthfully, I always forgot about him during tests in school. He ranks very low on my personal ranked list of presidents. 0 stars.
#12 Zachary Taylor (1849 - 1850)
This is another one that could just swap the order of their first and last names - Taylor Zachary.
#13 Millard Fillmore (1850 - 1853)
President Fillmore is often on lists of the worst US presidents. I agree - 0 stars.
#14 Franklin Pierce (1853 - 1857)
A double whammy - he's usually ranked as one of the worst US presidents and one of the least memorable US presidents. Considering that I don't really remember anything about him, the second title is fitting.
#15 James Buchanan (1857 - 1861)
Another one on historians' worst US Presidents lists. Another 0 stars
#16 Abraham Lincoln (1861 - 1865)
Finally someone who is on a list of the greatest US presidents! 5 stars!
#17 Andrew Johnson (1865 - 1869)
Back to one of the worst US presidents, according to scholars… 0 stars.
#18 Ulysses S. Grant (1869 - 1877)
Now we're back to a good one; he was often a symbol of national unity. 5 stars again.
#19 Rutherford B. Hayes (1877 - 1881)
His portrait is so much beard that neither I nor the robots know what to do.
#20 James A. Garfield (1881 - 1881)
Like President Harrison, President Garfield's term was cut short by his death within a year of being in power.
#21 Chester A. Arthur (1881 - 1885)
Perhaps related to how quickly he became president (but most likely not), he's often considered "just okay" - not very memorable either.
#22 Grover Cleveland (1885 - 1889)
He was progressive for his time - he'd probably be progressive in the modern day too!
#23 Benjamin Harrison (1889 - 1893)
Halfway there!
#24 Grover Cleveland (1893 - 1897)
He's back! Oddly, his terms weren't consecutive; I suppose they missed him after he left.
#25 William McKinley (1897 - 1901)
He was generally popular, but still was assassinated.
#26 Theodore Roosevelt (1901 - 1909)
The "cowboy" president is one of the most popular US presidents and considered one of the greatest.
#27 William Howard Taft (1909 - 1913)
I really feel like the photos are blending together now…
#28 Woodrow Wilson (1913 - 1921)
Every account of him I've read has a lot of mixed opinions. He is well known though.
#29 Warren G. Harding (1921 - 1923)
Another president whose term was cut short by sudden death. At least he had half of it…
#30 Calvin Coolidge (1923 - 1929)
He receives praise for his views on racial equality… not so much for his economic policies.
#31 Herbert Hoover (1929 - 1933)
Though he's ranked poorly as a president, he ranks well as a public official. The job's not for everyone…
#32 Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933 - 1945)
FDR and his New Deal are pillars in American history classes and earn him praise from many historians.
#33 Harry S. Truman (1945 - 1953)
His administration has received both heavy criticism and praise.
#34 Dwight Eisenhower (1953 - 1961)
Notable that Barbie was invented during his presidency. Astronaut Barbie would probably like the president who established NASA.
#35 John F. Kennedy (1961 - 1963)
After his assassination, it was revealed that JFK had chronic health issues that he hid from the public.
#36 Lyndon B Johnson (1961 - 1963)
He gains points for his desires to expand healthcare and domestic policies, but loses points for his foreign policies.
#37 Richard Nixon (1969 - 1974)
Interestingly, he comes from a family of Quakers. It's very obvious that he discarded those beliefs and practices - especially the commitment to ethics and integrity.
#38 Gerald Ford (1974 - 1977)
With actions such as pardoning Nixon, it's obvious why he isn't well liked.
#39 Jimmy Carter (1977 - 1981)
As of writing this, Jimmy Carter is still hanging on and 98 years old! The longest lived US president is highly regarded and earns himself 5 stars in my opinion.
#40 Ronald Reagan (1981 - 1989)
Though he was president in the 80s, his greatest contribution was in 2004 when he died.
#41 George H. W. Bush (1989 - 1993)
Like John Adams, Theodore Roosevelt, and John Kennedy, he came from a family of politicians.
#42 Bill Clinton (1993 - 2001)
President Barbie or a musically inclined Barbie would probably like this president - maybe too much.
#43 George W. Bush (2001 - 2009)
This is the first presidential election that I remember. My elementary school had a mock presidential election; I was in kindergarten and didn't know or care about politics. I "voted" for him because I like plants and his name was Bush.
#44 Barack Obama (2009 - 2017)
The election of Barack Obama is a major event in US history! The current Barbieland president, a black Barbie, would be proud!
#45 Donald J. Trump (2017 - 2021)
I'm not going to say much here: I don't like him.
And finally…
#46 Joe Biden (2021 - present)
I don't have a lot to say here, but I, too, am sleepy.
Which one is your favorite president? Which picture surprised you the most? Leave a comment below!
See something that made you laugh or smile recently? Send it to me with my Google form and I may use it in future posts and give you a shoutout!
