Many disabled people have children and everyone's family and experience is different. However, many people are unable to have children - biologically or otherwise - due to health issues. I am one of many.

I've been meeting other disabled people and though I may not date again soon, I'm not closed off to the possibility. I met a man that I “clicked” with, but even though I'd been clear that I didn't want kids, he opened up some old wounds by suddenly demanding biological children.

It's fine to really want to have biological children of your own, but I don't think that many people understand how difficult pregnancy and childbirth are. Even if the pregnancy and birth are smooth and everything goes well, it's still a lot on a person's body! Not to mention, there are many things that could prevent someone from even conceiving!

Just a small fraction of health issues that can impact fertility:

• Thyroid conditions

• Endometriosis

• PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)

• Fibroids

• Past or current cancer, chemotherapy, or radiation

• Untreated STIs

• Autoimmune conditions

Even in the general population, about 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Pregnancy and childbirth physically alter the body in ways that aren't often acknowledged - such as temporary or permanent incontinence issues. Additionally, the USA has a high maternal mortality rate (among developed nations): Arkansas, where I live, is #1 of that list.

This is all to say that demanding women (AFABs as well) have biological children from their bodies is demanding A LOT! Even more demanding and unrealistic is to demand it from disabled people with uteruses.

For most of my life, I wanted to have two children. However, my life was permanently changed in 2016 and now that is absolutely not in the cards for me. Should I get pregnant, it would kill me. I wouldn't have a chance of carrying a viable fetus either, so the only outcome is my death and that of an embryo (making it past the first trimester is unlikely). I'm on the asexual spectrum and abstinent, so it wouldn't be the result of anything consensual.

So instead, I will be the favorite aunt and baby my pets. Life doesn't go according to plan, and sometimes that means adjusting to the news that you will never be a mother to biological children. But instead of focusing on that, I'm focusing on nurturing my community, friends, family, and life.

To my fellow disabled, barren spoonies, your ability to nurture is not lost without children. Your value is not tied to your fertility or your ability to birth children. There are many things that you can do with your life, and you are not less than anyone else if you can't have children. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!